Etc. – Vân vân

“Date a girl who reads… If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads. Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
– Rosemarie Urquico

Nếu bạn muốn cả thế giới và những cảnh giới ngoài nó nữa, hãy quen với một cô gái thích đọc sách. Hay tốt hơn nữa, quen với một cô gái thích viết. (Rosemarie Urquico) Bài viết này sẽ chỉ có tiếng Anh.

I have stopped reading horoscope after making my funny clip You know I’m no good months ago. Until last night, due to insomnia, I opened some horoscope pages again and was happy to read that May 27th (today) and 28th (Tuesday) would be the two most romantic and successful days of May for me.

Waking up in the morning, I realized there was a power cut in my apartment. Then when I came down to the parking lot, I found out that I had lost my parking ticket. And when I stopped by a street shop to pick up my sandals that I had given the previous day to have them fixed, I was charged double price. What a beginning of May 27th!

But these things didn’t stop me from thinking, on my way to work, that I would text my Hannushka that I loved him. How the hell did I get that thought, I don’t know. I just knew that I would need to do it first thing in the morning when I arrived at my office. Whatever consequence, I didn’t really care. So I drove to work in a very good and eager mood.

I was waited in my office by a parent and a student when I arrived. Didn’t even have time to have a sip of water, I started to work with them right away. Then another parent and a student came while the first consultation wasn’t over. So when the first clients left, I had to start another consultation session right away, in the middle of which another parent and student came. Then another parent, then another student. There were about 5 calls that need to be called back. Some parents started to complain and yell when they could not reach me on the phone. They mentioned about responsibilities and services, about accommodation and air tix, about visa and curriculum, about anything that they suddenly had the happiness to complain about. I never thought that this peaceful world of education can be that chaotic.

In no time the clock showed noon hours. On my cellphone there were some unread messages, among which some were from a man that I have been seeing lately. It was a long message, having some words like ‘not ready, shy, pretty, smart, relationship, next step, sorry”, etc. People, do you know what ETC. means? It’s End of Thinking Capacity! My head was muddled with millions of concerns from work so I couldn’t read through it. Whatever, if a man couldn’t understand what I told him, then he couldn’t understand me, then better I called it a stop. How difficult it is to come to terms with a person from a different culture and a different generation!

Then lunch with old friends. I drove out of office in a 40 degree Celsius heat. It’s always wonderful to see old pals when you can talk freely about anything. A beautiful girl friend said that she was re-reading her first book. (It’s always super sweet when people read what you write. And you all can read it here.) I said it’s still the first book but this is the revised edition, which is even better. I, on the contrary, am seeking for my 2nd book. And hell I don’t know when that book arrives!

Afternoon. The office was a total mess. About 30 or 40 calls with questions, need for consultation, complaints, comments, etc. Invoices for summer courses flew like butterflies. Parents and students came in for orientation. Signatures and prints. Concerns and complaints and questions, again and again and again. I felt like I was standing at the peak of a volcano ready for eruption.

The day ended around 8 PM. I meditated for some minutes and decided to let go of anything or anyone that didn’t belong to me. If it’s right, it happens easily and smoothly. If it’s wrong, it’s useless trying to pull and push. It’s okay to let that shy man go. I’m an Aries and I’m a fighter and I’m crazy and I’m passionate, and I need to be with someone who’s tender but persistent and hard-willed and stubborn enough to put a rein on me and put me at ease (Hello? Am I describing a Virgo?). I have no interest in running around pursuing anyone at this boiling point of work.

Today was the shittiest day so far in 2013 for me.  I went back to my family and had a nice dinner with people who love me unconditionally, then got home exhausted. I decided to write this down, because I want to look back at it someday to remember that sometimes life can be that bad and at some stupid point in life you don’t have anyone who’s courage enough to give you a shoulder to rest on.

It’s almost 12 midnight and I realize that I haven’t told my Hannushka that I love him. A weird and inexplicable love. A love that is not a love. It awakes and it sleeps. It’s hidden and it’s forgotten. It doesn’t exist but but sometimes it appears and sheds some lights to my life, then it disappears to somewhere undefinable. I don’t want to spend time to analyze what it is. I let it be. Teddy Hannushka is my etc.

They say a woman should have a time in her prime to be proud of. I’m proud that I’m living myself to the fullest these days. It might not be super smart and well-calculated, but hell, who cares?

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